Before You Say Goodbye, Be sure You’ve Said Hello!

I don’t know about any of you, but some times there is a heaviness in the atmosphere, and no matter who we are or where we are, we feel it. Sometimes we might know the source of the heaviness, and sometimes we’re mystified by our lack of understanding about the presence of this feeling. A few days ago, I told someone close to me that I just felt heavy….not weight wise (at least not that day), but just in my spirit, my aura, the atmosphere around me. Some of you know exactly what I am referring to here. There is no rhyme or reason, sometimes there is just an overwhelming sense of BLAHHHH! coupled with a side of HUHHHHH? seasoned with a bit of HOWWWWWW? and undergirded by a dose of WHATTTTTT! accented by splash of WHYYYYY? I don’t have the answers to any of these feelings, but I do know it is ok to have them. We’re all human and life happens around us, even if it is not happening directly to us. Sometimes it is impossible not to internalize the hurt of others when we see it happening so often. We all go through, but I am here to simply say, YOU WILL GET THROUGH!

Recently I was purging, cleaning out junk drawers and throwing away things I haven’t touched in years. After all, I cannot decorate for Christmas until I do a clean sweep of preparation and I am absolutely ready to decorate! This time of year brings me an insurmountable amount of joy and memories. Yes, I am one of those Christmas people who gets caught up in Hallmark and the millions of ways the same movie is made the same but different, and yes I go overboard with decorations and Christmas Pajamas and yes, I will probably start decorating tonight (just kidding, but it’s a thought)! I am my mother’s child! This time of year for me is a season of feels and it is my favorite (I know the REASON for the season); but I digress. Back to what I was saying about this purge.

While I was cleaning some things, I came across an old wallet. In that wallet was my pocket sized High School diploma (from the late 1900s lol), some old gift cards I forgot about, pictures of my oldest niece and nephew, and the receipt from the last time I saw my daddy in person before he passed. That was in June of 2005; he died in July of 2005. I was about to leave to go back my place of residence after being home for Father’s day, but my car, the Burgundy Bombshell, had other plans. The battery died! And as usual, what did I do? Well, I called my daddy. Why? I called him because I knew he would come. He went to get a replacement battery, put it in my car and got me set to be on my way. Before I left, he gave me the AutoZone receipt and told me to keep it in my wallet in case something went wrong with the new battery. My daddy was not a perfect man, but there was never a time that I had to worry about him not showing up if I called and my sister and brother could echo that. My last physical interaction with my daddy was with him doing what good fathers do…show up for their kids (no matter how old they are lol). When I saw that old receipt, I remembered how hard it was to say goodbye that following July. I was pissed! I was angry! I was irritated and people got on my nerves more than they usually did-don’t judge me by that last part lol. But, when I look back on it, I take comfort in knowing that my daddy was always there and that for almost 30 years of my life, I never had to fret because I knew he was coming. We were never a mushy family, but what was understood didn’t always have to be spoken. And just as sure as I (We) had to say goodbye, I am glad hello was spoken over and over and over again before that time.

What are you getting at Scribe? Here is where I am going with this. Lately, there has been so much death and loss up and down my time line, so many tragedies witnessed on television and social media, and so many instances where people are trying to understand the why of it all. We may never understand the why, but eventually (with time) it gets a little easier to cope with the absence. I don’t know, maybe we never truly get over it, but we do eventually learn how to deal with it in a way that we can still live our lives the way our loved ones would have wanted us to–all in due in time.

The goodbye is always the hardest part, but when you are ready, find comfort in each hello shared with that loved one….those hellos are memories. Create them in the time and space that you have while you have it. Ya’ll know I have a love/hate relationship with cliches, but life is indeed too short. We do not always have to see to feel or know! Sounds like a little bit of hope and faith huh! Build memories one Hello at a time, because presence is still a present and presence is preserved with each memory. We wrap a gift to be opened later each time we choose to say, “HELLO”! A life that has been lived is a treasure and each memory adds value!

As the holiday season approaches, it gets so hard for a lot of people. If you know someone is having a hard time and suffered a loss they are still dealing with, encourage them to remember the moments they said HELLO! We will miss those we lost, but we will never forget them!

SONG REFERENCE: Missing You-Brandy, Gladys Knight, Tamia, Chaka Khan

See You Again: Wiz Khalifa, Charlie Puth